A change of view on influence

My training style went though a radical change after I met and studied with Mel Silberman, the Father of Active training.  

Mel is considered one of the greatest contributors to the field of adult training, has written many of the best selling books on training and had been a tireless advocate for “learning by doing”.

So why is this important to influence?  Well, with the thousands of books on influence, persuasion and sales, most of the focus is on talk or verbal persuasion.

Yet recent research has shown that one of the most power forms of influence is experience…allowing someone to actually have an experience rather than a verbal description (this is why demonstrations are so powerful).

Influence resources by the experts

In the video below, David Maxfield is the coauthor of Influencer: The Power to Change Anything gives a real life example of how experience influenced a change in behavior for an entire company:

Although different in approach, many of the principles research by Dr. Robert Cialdini, author of Influence: The Psychology of Persuasion require creating or referring experience.

In the video below, Dr. Cialdini explains his principles if influence:

When thinking about influence, consider the types of experiences you can create whether you are looking to influence change in yourself  or influence change in others.

Through analysis and review of the research, these experts can help the process of influence become easier and more effective.

Links to top books on influence:

Influence: The Psychology of Persuasion

Influencer: The Power to Change Anything

Unforgettable Experiential Activities: An Active Training Resource

The premise of this series is really an old adage.  When you give people what they want, they will give you what they want. This seems like common sense when you’ve lived life long enough to figure this out.

But many people resist this idea, feel that it’s their way or no way, or simply don’t know how to be a powerbroker in order to give people what they want in the first place.

Creating Irresistible Influences with NLP, by Charles Faulkner takes care of that. In this dynamic series, the listener will learn some very key aspects, such as:

The difference between manipulating someone, and influencing them:  When people think that if they can control people and their outcomes by giving them what they want, their first thought might be that this is a manipulative practice.

Charles Faulkner challenges this notion.  He challenges the listener to consider the idea that there is a difference between influencing others, and in manipulating others.

The truth is that the person, and the energy of those two concepts are different.  As such, when you influence others, you leave them feeling empowered and good.  Manipulating others makes them feel victimized and bad. Charles Faulkner in Creating Irresistible Influence wants you to become an influencer.

The five levels of the pyramid of influence:  The series Creating Irresistible Influences teaches the listener exactly what this means, and how they can go about using the five levels of the pyramid of influence to their advantage.

The five life purposes:  Every person has purposes in life that they spend a lifetime either trying to find or trying to fulfill.  The series Creating Irresistible Influences discusses what those five life purposes are, and how one can go about finding them, and in fulfilling them.

The series aims to teach people to get inside of the minds and the hearts of others.  It uses the basic human need tenant of acceptance.  All human beings need acceptance.  There are all sorts of ways that we show that we accept others.  When we show that we are tuned in to what they are saying, what they are feeling, and to what their desires are, then we have won them over.  When a person is won over to us, we will be able to influence them to do just about anything for us.

Certainly, these influential skills shouldn’t be used for ill purposes.  But if we can learn these skills, and learn to use them for good, life will become amazing for us.  We we start to live in a world of our creation in which door open, and open wide.  Even people who might not like us personally will be compelled to do things for us, because we will be such an influential person.

Creating Irresistible Influence with NLP by Charles Faulkner would make a great New Year’s gift for ourselves, or for others.  This is one skill set that one can’t afford to ignore.

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Ben Sanderson -
About the Author:

Please visit The Personal Development Company if you would like to learn more about Creating Irresistible Influence with NLP by Charles Faulkner

And we are, all of us, influenced by people, places, events and situations at all times.

Sometimes we are affected more or less by these things, but we are continually being influenced by what happens around us.

So what about the specifics in the workplace?

Your job requires you to influence people just about all of the time. It may take the form of gaining support, inspiring others, persuading other people to become your champions, engaging someone’s imagination, creating relationships.

Whatever form it takes, being an excellent influencer makes your job easier.

An interesting point about people who use their influencing skills well, is that other people like being around them. There’s a kind of exciting buzz, or sense that things happen when they’re about.

It’s because they don’t sit around wishing things were different while moaning there’s nothing they can do about it.

They don’t sit around blaming others or complaining about what needs fixing that will make things better. They see what needs doing and set about getting it done.

Truly excellent influencing skills require a healthy combination of interpersonal, communication, presentation and assertiveness techniques.

It is about adapting and modifying your personal style when you become aware of the affect you are having on other people, while still being true to yourself. Behaviour and attitude change are what’s important, not changing who you are or how you feel and think.

You may try to exert your influence through coercion and manipulation. You might even succeed in getting things done; but that isn’t really influencing. That’s forcing people to do what you want, often against their will. You won’t have succeeded in winning support.

Pushing, bullying, bludgeoning or haranguing DO NOT WORK! Like elephants, people will remember the experience.

Indeed, if you force someone to do something you want, without taking their point of view into consideration, then the impression that person is left with is how they will see you forever. You’re stuck with it, unless you deliberately change what you do in order to be seen differently.

People are far more willing to come halfway (or more) if they feel acknowledged, understood and appreciated. They may even end up doing or agreeing to something they wouldn’t previously have done because they feel good about making the choice.

Influencing is about understanding yourself and the effect or impact you have on others. Though it can, on occasion, be one way, the primary relationship is two way, and it is about changing how others perceive you.

In other words, the cliché, perception is reality, makes perfect sense in the context of influencing.

It doesn’t matter what’s going on internally for you – if it isn’t perceived by the other person, then it doesn’t exist, other than in your mind.

You could be doing the most brilliant presentation you’ve ever created, but if you haven’t brought your ‘audience’ with you, the brilliance is wasted. And that’s about being able to see what’s going on for them, which will be different, however much you may have in common.

Influencing can sometimes be looked at as the ability to ‘finesse’, almost sleight of hand. The other person isn’t prodded into seeing your view of the world, but is persuaded, often unconsciously, into understanding it.

Sometimes you can get so used to your own personal style or way of being or pattern of communicating, that you don’t think of how it is being received, and you don’t think of behaving in any other way.

Influencing is about being able to move things forward, without pushing, forcing or telling others what to do.

Now what we know is that one of the most powerful forces that affect people’s behaviour is the avoidance of humiliation.

No one wants to embarrass themselves if they can help it. So changing your behaviour entails a certain risk.

But if that behavior change is deliberate, and you have made an effort to see the world from the other person’s point of view, then humiliation can be avoided on both sides.

Whatever the arena you work in influencing others is about having the confidence and willingness to use yourself to make things happen. Influencing people is also the ability to ‘work’ a dynamic, whether it’s a large group, one to one or over the phone.

By ‘working’ the dynamic, we mean using everything at your disposal, both verbal and non-verbal communication, to create the impact you want, rather than letting things just happen.

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Robin Chandler -
About the Author:

Jo Ellen and Robin run Impact Factory a training company who provide Influencing Skills , Public Speaking, Presentation Skills, Communications Training, Leadership Development and Executive Coaching for Individuals.

This kind of article also takes on a more serious tone. Some of the more popular choices range from policy to politics.

There are key characteristics of persuasive writing every beginner must know. These notes will help you ease into the role of a persuasive writer easily – without any unnecessary problems.

1) Open strong.

Persuasive writing doesn’t require a lot of flowery words as much as it requires you to make strong statements.

Actually, it is your first statement that will set the tone for the rest of the article. If your first statement is weak and wobbly, how can you possibly convince your readers to read the rest of your piece?

2) Decide on your side.

One mistake beginners usually make in persuasive writing is not being able to communicate which side they’re on exactly. The writer ends up making both sides meet in the conclusion.

In the process of writing, they end up being persuaded by both sides. While this is acceptable in some situations, you can’t just keep putting yourself in safe mode. At the worst, others won’t take your essay seriously.

3) Make sure you’re covered from all sides.

One of the most challenging things about persuasive writing is that readers are bound to criticize your work. They’ll be looking for loopholes, especially if they’re rooting for the opposite team.

If you want to convince them, you have to make sure that you’ve got everything covered. You can’t wait for other people to make counter arguments on your key points. You have to anticipate them all before you even write your essay.

The art of persuasive writing is not that easy at first. However, with enough practice and preparation, you’ll be able to make good arguments and convince other people to agree with you.

• ISBN13: 9781591396314
• Condition: NEW
• Notes: Brand New from Publisher. No Remainder Mark.

To be effective, managers have to be skilled at acquiring power-and using that power to persuade others to get things done. This guide offers must-know methods for commanding attention, changing minds, and influencing decision-makers up and down the organizational ladder. P>The New Manager’s Guide and Mentor The Harvard Business Essentials series is designed to provide comprehensive advice, personal coaching, background information, and guidance on the most re… More >>

Power, Influence, and Persuasion: Sell Your Ideas and Make Things Happen

There’s one aspect of influencing that might help you prepare your influencing strategy more effectively, and that’s to look at the whole arena in terms of overt or covert influencing.

Here’s how we define the difference.

In overt influencing both you and ‘influencee’ know what’s happening; both of you are conscious of what’s going on. It’s like flirting: you know your doing it and the recipient knows as well.

In the case of influencing it’s as though everyone’s cards are on the table: everyone knows what hand the other ‘holds’.

There tends to be a free exchange of useful information that will be mutually beneficial and all parties prefer things to be transparent. Along with that, agendas and goals are also clear and agreed and the influencing ‘play’ if you will is about how to ‘get there’.

When the influencing is covert, you are conscious of what’s going on and your own behaviour, but the other party/ies will usually be unaware that you are trying to influence them. In this situation you need lead by example: you need to have a clear strategy in your head and have an end goal to aim for. Not only that, you may both have completely different agendas (not necessarily conflicting, just different), so it’s up to you to involve them as though were helping you create the strategy.

As well, you need to understand what they want and need and accommodate your personal style to better suit their needs. Now by this we don’t mean twist yourself into knots and become someone you aren’t. Rather, it’s about understanding what part of your own personality fits theirs and ‘turning up the volume’ on that one part.

For instance, perhaps most of the time you’re a straight-forward, no-nonsense person with a quick mind who makes decision really fast. But you’re trying to influence someone who doesn’t think in the speedy way you do and likes to consider things very carefully.

In this case, you won’t get very far on the influencing stakes if you show impatience or try to talk them into seeing things your way. This is a time when you could turn up the volume on your listening skills to demonstrate that you are considered as well (you may very well be considered it’s just your quick-wittedness may not look like it to other people).

Once you define whether an influencing situation is overt or covert, you can adjust your behaviour accordingly to get a result you’ll all be happy with.

Forms of Communication

The process of communication involves encoding and sending of a message by the sender and transmission of the same via a communication channel for being received by the receiver who is responsible for decoding and processing of the transmitted information and replying back via a communication channel.

• Verbal Communication: This can be further differentiated into oral and written communication. Oral communication lays emphasis on speaking words which are utilized for face-to-face, on-the-phone, voice chat or Internet communication. The effectiveness of these words depends upon pitch, speed, voice modulation, clarity and volume of speaking.

Written communication includes communication by email or snail mail. The writing style, grammar, language precision, grammar and vocabulary used are important facets of written communication. Pictorial representations, paintings, photographs, signboards, sketch and symbolic communication also falls under this category. Humans have used this for recording history through cave writing dating back to more than a million years.

• Body Language: This includes communication through a person’s body language through the body movements, postures and hand gestures. Facial expressions play an important part in conveying the intensity of the communication. Emotions can be independently conveyed through a hug, a smile or hand gestures such as a handshake. Accurate reading of a person’s body language helps in indicating whether they are angry, upset, stressed out, nervous, relaxed, happy, tired or sad.

On The Basis Of Purpose Served

• Restrained Communication: This kind of communication occurs in a predefined formal format with a straightforward, precise and stringent tone attached to it, for communicating in a corporate environment. The communication style is very official in these cases involving meetings, corporate letters, written memos and official conferences.
• Unrestrained Communication: This includes cases of free communication being employed by people for creating an informal rapport with one another. This communication type is not bounded by the limits of time, subjects or place and is devoid of any rigid guidelines and rules to be followed while communicating. The foremost requirement in this kind of communication is that the involved parties must properly understand each other.

On The Basis Of Technology

• Electronic or Digital Communication: This includes communication through modern technological tools like computers, faxes, satellite television, telephone, radio, cellular phone and e-mail. These technologies have helped mankind in fulfilling its quest for efficient communication.

Communication is an integral part of the lives of every human being. The technological advances in the field of communication have provided us with wonderful resources and tools leading to the enhancement of our lives aided by convenient communication.

Amongst all the above communication forms, face-to-face communication is probably the best communication type. It helps in keeping the emotions, thoughts and feelings intact between two human beings and make accurate perceptions about each other which is a rather difficult task in modern technological methods because of the absence of humanness in them.

Effective communication is not just about speaking correctly, but its also about respecting others’ opinions. Learn how did people communicate in the past and what are the top communication strategies to improve your presence in this present World.

Get to learn about different types of communication and how to improve your communication skills at http://www.communication-type.com/

And we are, all of us, influenced by people, places, events and situations at all times. Sometimes we are affected more or less by these things, but we are continually being influenced by what happens around us.

So what about the specifics in the workplace?

Your job requires you to influence people just about all of the time. It may take the form of gaining support, inspiring others, persuading other people to become your champions, engaging someone’s imagination, creating relationships.

Whatever form it takes, being an excellent influencer makes your job easier.

An interesting point about people who use their influencing skills well, is that other people like being around them. There’s a kind of exciting buzz, or sense that things happen when they’re about.

It’s because they don’t sit around wishing things were different while moaning there’s nothing they can do about it.

They don’t sit around blaming others or complaining about what needs fixing that will make things better. They see what needs doing and set about getting it done.

Truly excellent influencing skills require a healthy combination of interpersonal, communication, presentation and assertiveness techniques.

It is about adapting and modifying your personal style when you become aware of the affect you are having on other people, while still being true to yourself. Behaviour and attitude change are what’s important, not changing who you are or how you feel and think.

You may try to exert your influence through coercion and manipulation. You might even succeed in getting things done; but that isn’t really influencing. That’s forcing people to do what you want, often against their will. You won’t have succeeded in winning support.

Pushing, bullying, bludgeoning or haranguing DO NOT WORK! Like elephants, people will remember the experience.

Indeed, if you force someone to do something you want, without taking their point of view into consideration, then the impression that person is left with is how they will see you forever. You’re stuck with it, unless you deliberately change what you do in order to be seen differently.

People are far more willing to come halfway (or more) if they feel acknowledged, understood and appreciated. They may even end up doing or agreeing to something they wouldn’t previously have done because they feel good about making the choice.

Influencing is about understanding yourself and the effect or impact you have on others. Though it can, on occasion, be one way, the primary relationship is two way, and it is about changing how others perceive you.

In other words, the cliché, perception is reality, makes perfect sense in the context of influencing.

It doesn’t matter what’s going on internally for you – if it isn’t perceived by the other person, then it doesn’t exist, other than in your mind.

You could be doing the most brilliant presentation you’ve ever created, but if you haven’t brought your ‘audience’ with you, the brilliance is wasted. And that’s about being able to see what’s going on for them, which will be different, however much you may have in common.

Influencing can sometimes be looked at as the ability to ‘finesse’, almost sleight of hand. The other person isn’t prodded into seeing your view of the world, but is persuaded, often unconsciously, into understanding it.

Sometimes you can get so used to your own personal style or way of being or pattern of communicating, that you don’t think of how it is being received, and you don’t think of behaving in any other way.

Influencing is about being able to move things forward, without pushing, forcing or telling others what to do.

Now what we know is that one of the most powerful forces that affect people’s behaviour is the avoidance of humiliation.

No one wants to embarrass themselves if they can help it. So changing your behaviour entails a certain risk.

But if that behaviour change is deliberate, and you have made an effort to see the world from the other person’s point of view, then humiliation can be avoided on both sides.

Whatever the arena you work in influencing others is about having the confidence and willingness to use yourself to make things happen. Influencing people is also the ability to ‘work’ a dynamic, whether it’s a large group, one to one or over the phone.

By ‘working’ the dynamic, we mean using everything at your disposal, both verbal and non-verbal communication, to create the impact you want, rather than letting things just happen.